When I decided in December of last year that I wanted to participate in a figure competition, I knew it would be tough on my body and mind. I had been lifting heavy and (trying) eating (mostly) clean for about 18 months at that point, and I thought I knew what I was in for.
But there’s a dark side to competition prep that nobody tells you about. It’s strange and uncomfortable and embarrassing, and it’s far, far worse than the endless soreness and the lack of dinner dates. And here it is, in black and white, the weird other side of competition prep that I wish someone had warned me about.
Things no one told me about preparing for a bikini competition:
- You will pee a lot
One of the first things I did when I started preparing for my first cut was upping my water intake. The goal at first was to drink at least a gallon of water (that’s 128 oz.) per day. I’m now up to a gallon and a half every day. That’s a lot of water. For reference, daily recommended intake is eight, eight-ounce glasses per day, which totals out to half a gallon.
What’s the point of all that water? To continuously flush out your system. By peeing. …Needless to say, I spend a lot of time in the bathroom now.
- Protein farts
While I’m on the subject of bodily functions, let me tell you about the other end of things.
Look, this diet is heavy on protein and fiber-rich carbs. You cannot eat like this day in and day out without your body getting super regular in its self-cleaning process. Just invest in some extra-strength GasX early on, but be prepared to still deal with some of the ripest, uncontrollable farts you have ever experienced. I’ve had people give me the stink eye (literally) in public, I’ve blamed it on random dogs in my vicinity, and I once unintentionally drove a stranger out of an (open air) conversation.
It’s no joke, but you just minimize it as much as you can and remember that a clean colon is a happy colon.
- Laundry and dishes every day
Don’t worry if your noxious gasses hamper your social life. Working out every day (sometimes more than once) and eating six meals a day generates a lot sweaty sports bras and dirty plates, and you need to stay home and catch up on laundry and dishes.
Spoiler alert: you will never catch up, you will just keep washing your things every day until you eventually die of soap poisoning. (And that’s not even getting into the number of showers you’ll be taking.) Good luck!
- You will crave things you don’t even like
I’ve never been a fan of Oreos. Two burnt chocolate cookies with some kind of sweet Crisco between them? Gross. That being said, lately I’ve been having fever dreams about those little sugar discs. I can literally smell them right now I want them so bad. I’d probably even eat a Hydrox cookie in my desperation. WOULD SOMEBODY GET ME AN OREO?!
Competition prep diets are pretty tightly regulated. Sure, I could eat an Oreo…or I could use those calories to have, like, a whole plate of rice. When you’re cutting calories, you take the option that allows you to eat more. You take the rice. And so I will probably continue craving sweets and secretly planning out my post-competition treat meal right up to the very last day before I hit the stage.
- Overnight weight gain
For me, there is nothing more personally frustrating than doing everything right and having things fall apart anyway. During competition prep, that translates to doing all my workouts at 110%, hitting all my macros to the decimal, and waking up the next morning having gained two pounds.
Obviously I didn’t really gain two pounds of fat (or muscle) overnight. The body doesn’t work that way. Instead I’m most likely holding water for any number of reasons, and since water isn’t weightless, that retention amounts to “weight gain.” This happens (at least to me) a lot. I don’t mind it so much when I can look in the mirror and see progress – you hear a lot of pros telling you to ignore the scale for this reason – but when I get the double whammy of gain plus bloat it can put my whole morning off.
This point is actually serious. This fixation on progress is something that could easily lead from a dip in mood to disordered eating or overtraining to try and “fix” the problem. That’s a scary road, and one that, unfortunately, many stumble onto.
I am getting into competing because I love my body, and I want to show what it can do. The highs and lows are tough, and it takes a lot of mental and emotional energy to weather it all without going crazy or hurting yourself. I’ve tried to make sure I’m doing things the right way, and part of that includes not beating myself up when I hit a bump. I just keep going and give my body a well-deserved break once in a while to thank it for being so awesome.
And then it shows its appreciation with a fart. Oh well.
Operation: Fitness 